| by Kenneth Chase | No comments

The Best Repo Man in the World Is a Guy Named “Yak” – South Side


♪ One, two, three, four, five ♪ ♪ Yeah, one number, six,
seven, eight ♪ ♪ Nine, 10, 11, ready ♪ Shut the fuck up!
I’ll slit your fucking throats! You, shaky feet,
state your name, hometown, and what you want to major
in besides missionary sex. Go. Uh, I’m Keely. I’m undeclared. My dad’s pushing me
towards economics, but I — You forgot to say where you’re
from, you fucking towhead! God damn it!
Loser, suck, suck, pussy. Frumpy! You.
Name, hometown, major, go. My name is Yak. And I come from a small town
called Balls Deep in Your Mom. And my major is
where the fuck is that… TV. …TV that you rented?! [ Men groaning ] Hey, little girl, we’re
just here to get a toaster. I don’t care,
you’re not coming in. We don’t negotiate
with these little terrorists. Yeah, we don’t. This your bike? No.
I don’t see a bike. Well,
this is my bike now. I sweat when I ride! No! So I got permission
to go inside? [ Beep ]
Bingo. ♪♪ [ Knocking ] Who out there? A regular-looking white dude. I’m-a gonna let him in. The fuck?! Don’t let
that man up in my house. -We’re in! Let’s go!
-Shit, it’s RTO! -Thandie!
-Let’s go! No, no, no, not the couch!
Not the couch, man! Not the couch!
-Oh, sir, sir! Are you serious?! I told you my aunt
had a couch for us! Ma’am, he has not paid
for this couch. He has not paid a dime. Dude, you got to get up. Oh, fuck! -Oh, Yak, what’s going on?
-Oh, oh. Look at him. He’s taking a pledge? -What’s happening?
-Wait. -Oh.
-Yeah, calm down, breathe. Syringe.
Colt 45 bottle.

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