| by Kenneth Chase | 100 comments

Popsicle Schtick: Beet Buttigieg, Crabernet


-Welcome back, you guys.
This is so exciting. It’s time once again
for “Popsicle Schtick.” [ Cheers and applause ] [ Laughter ] -For those of you
who don’t know, this is a bit where my writers
come up with bad jokes and then try to save them
with what they call “kickass graphics.”
Here we go. Who — Here we go.
[ Light laughter ] Who is running for president
of the vegetables? Beet Buttigieg.
[ Laughter ] -♪ Popsicle Schtick ♪ [ Laughter ] -You get it.
[ Laughter ] Next popsicle. What’s a crustacean’s
favorite wine? A crab-er-nay.
[ Light laughter ] ♪♪ -♪ All my Schtickle ladies ♪
-♪ All my Schtickle ladies ♪ -♪ All my Schtickle ladies ♪
-♪ All my Schtickle ladies ♪ -♪ All my Schtickle ladies ♪
♪ Now popsicles up ♪ ♪ If you like it then you
shoulda put a Schtick on it ♪ ♪ If you like it then you
shoulda put a Schtick on it ♪ ♪ Save a joke
with a sexy graphic on it ♪ ♪ If you like it then you
shoulda put a Schtick on it ♪ ♪ Whoa-oh-oh, oh-oh-oh oh,
oh oh ♪ ♪ Oh, oh oh oh,
whoa-oh-oh, oh oh oh ♪ ♪ Oh-oh oh, oh oh oh ♪ [ Laughter ] [ Cheers and applause ] -There’s something different about tonight’s
“Popsicle Schtick” that I do want to let
you all know now. Usually, I will
watch all these animations over the course of the week,
leading up to the airing. And then I will give notes
and say, “I don’t think that’s one’s
great,” or “Maybe do some more.” And then I realized
I was giving notes about what a [bleep]
popsicle stick was doing. [ Laughter ] And that, ultimately,
none of it mattered, and that every second
I spent giving notes about a popsicle stick, I was gonna spend
a million years in Hell. [ Laughter ] So, tonight,
for the first time ever, I haven’t seen any of these. [ Laughter ] Which is why I was mildly amused
by that last one. [ Laughter and applause ] If you were watching
“All the Schtickle Ladies” and saying to yourself, “Wow,
based on Seth’s expression, he could take or leave this”… [ Laughter ] …that was genuine.
[ Laughter ] Moving on, what do
the Mario brothers use to communicate
with the spirit world? A Luigi board.
[ Laughter ] -Young Schticks,
old Schticks, step right up and test your strength. Who among you can move the
immovable head of Seth? -I can, I say!
I can! [ Ding! ]
[ Ding! ] [ Air whistling ] [ Thud ] [ Laughter, audience “Ohhs” ] -♪ Popsicle Schtick ♪ [ Laughter ] [ Laughter and applause ] -You see what’s happened here? You see what’s —
I’ve been taken advantage of. [ Laughter ] I also want to point out,
I have seen the jokes. [ Laughter ] So, when you see these
and you’re like, “Oh, he must’ve
not have seen those, ’cause why would he sign off
on a joke like Luigi board?” [ Laughter ] That was the best
of a hundred jokes. [ Laughter and applause ] Why was the priest
in such good shape? He loved to exorcise.
[ Audience groans ] [ Laughter ] Oh, no.
His stick caught on fire. [ Siren wails,
tires screech ] -Nothing to worry about here,
Mr. Meyers. We got this under control.
-Good, good, good. -[ Screaming ]
-Oh, Jesus. [ Laughter ] -Buzzards guts,
it’s happened again. [ Laughter ] Those sticks will never learn. Oh, God!
[ Screaming ] Buzzards guts, I’m a ghost! [ Laughter ] And I’m going to Heaven.
[ Harp playing ] Goodbye, everyone.
[ Laughter ] Oh, no! It’s Hell!
It’s Hell! I thought I was going up,
so it was Heaven, but it’s Hell! Oh, God!
I’m burning up again! Oh, God! [ Laughter ] -Now, see, if I hadn’t ceded
my authority to the writers, I would’ve said,
it feels like back-to-back ones where popsicle sticks die…
[ Light laughter ] You know, one where my head
falls on them and they burst into blood
and then that one, where a bunch of them burn up. And as a comedy writer, I don’t know if you should put
those two next to each other. [ Laughter ] And then, they would’ve looked
at me and gone like, “Uh?” [ Laughter ] And then, I would’ve said,
“This is pointless. I should just let them do it.” [ Light laughter ] What do you call a bird of prey
who only eats avocado toast? A millennial falcon. [ Laughter and applause ] [ Thuds ]
[ Ding! ] -He’s killing ya, kid!
You gotta hit him! You gotta crush him! -You gotta cut me, Schtick. I can’t see nothin’
outta my eye. [ Audience groans ] You gotta cut me more.
-What? -Cut the other eye. -There’s nothing wrong
with the other eye! -Just cut it. You gotta cut me more.
-Huh? -Cut off my head.
[ Light laughter ] -What?
-You gotta cut off my head. -Okay. [ Ding! ] [ Laughter ] -So…
[ Applause ] So that would be
three deaths in a row. [ Laughter ] But, now, in comedy, there’s something called
the rule of threes, and what that is, is even when
three writers work on a piece, none of them notice that.
[ Laughter ] The writer who came up with this
is named Ian Morgan. He’s right over there. And you can follow him
on Twitter at — what is it? Chrisperer?
-It’s @TheChisperer. [email protected]
-Yeah. The cat whisperer.
-The cat whisperer. [ Laughter ] If a popsicle dies on this one,
I’m [bleep] coming over there. [ Laughter and applause ] What does the Power Ranger
with no parents say? “It’s orphan time!” [ Laughter, audience groans ] ♪♪ [ Horn honking ] ♪♪ ♪ It’s a wooden life for us ♪ ♪ It’s a wooden life for us ♪ ♪ ‘Stead of act one,
we get kicked ♪ ♪ Into act five
’cause we’re Schticks ♪ ♪ It’s a wooden life ♪ ♪ Daddy Sethbucks we never see ♪ Daddy Sethbucks?
What’s that? ♪ Who’s he? ♪ -It’s time for “A Closer Look.” [ Crashes ] ♪ No one cares for you a lick ♪ ♪ When you’re in
a Popsicle Schtick ♪ ♪ It’s a wooden life ♪ ♪ Just Schticking about
tomorrow ♪ ♪ Makes you forget the news
and the sorrow ♪ ♪ With one lick ♪ ♪ The Schtick’ll come out
tomorrow ♪ ♪ So don’t blow your brains out
’cause tomorrow ♪ ♪ They’ll be Schtick ♪ ♪ When I’m stuck with a show ♪ ♪ That’s slow ♪ ♪ And boring ♪ ♪ I just whip up a Schtick ♪ ♪ That’s sick ♪ ♪ And str-e-e-etch out ♪ ♪ Tomorrow, tomorrow ♪ ♪ A new Schtick tomorrow ♪ ♪ Okay, now we’re done
with this part ♪ -Ladies and gentlemen,
we have a very special treat for you tonight. Please enjoy our rendition
of the song “Smooth Criminal,” as performed in 2003
by Alien Ant Farm. ♪♪ ♪ Annie, are you okay?
Are you okay? ♪ ♪ Are you okay, Annie? ♪ ♪ Annie, are you okay?
Are you okay? ♪ ♪ Are you okay, Annie? ♪ ♪ Annie, are you okay?
Are you okay? ♪ ♪ Are you okay, Annie? ♪ ♪ You’ve been Schticked by ♪ ♪ You’ve been struck by
a smooth popsicle ♪ [ Laughter ] ♪♪ ♪ Together at last ♪ ♪ Together forever ♪ ♪ We’re Schticking a knot ♪ ♪ They never can sever ♪ ♪ I don’t need sunshi– ♪
Ohh, ohh! [ Cracking, groaning ] [ Laughter ] -♪ Tomorrow, tomorrow ♪ ♪ A new Schtick tomorrow ♪ ♪ There’s only 10 minutes more ♪ ♪ Tomorrow, tomorrow ♪ ♪ A new Schtick tomorrow ♪ ♪ Just kidding,
we’re almost done ♪ ♪ Tomorrow, tomorrow ♪ ♪ A new Schtick tomorrow ♪ ♪ We promise
this is the last one ♪ ♪ Tomorrow, tomorrow ♪ ♪ A new Schtick tomorrow ♪ ♪ For real this time ♪ ♪ We ♪ ♪ Are ♪ ♪ Done ♪ [ Laughter ] -Oh-ho-ho-ho! Hell is weird. Goodbye, everybody. Oh, my God! [ Cheers and applause ] -That was “Popsicle Schtick”!

100 Comments

Adam Nowek

Aug 8, 2019, 9:44 am Reply

Seth's total disdain for this bit is really what makes it

Adamant Forge

Aug 8, 2019, 9:48 am Reply

I don't know about a 4th death sketch but fucking kill the bit

Tina McLaughlin

Aug 8, 2019, 10:48 am Reply

May I never see it again!

Izzy1782

Aug 8, 2019, 11:17 am Reply

Is anyone else excited for Seth to be replaced with Amber?
I AM!!!

Izzy1782

Aug 8, 2019, 11:20 am Reply

3 CHEERS FOR DAN O'BRIAN!!!

DrDespicable

Aug 8, 2019, 11:30 am Reply

I'm going to assume (hope) that some pink slips went out, during the commercial break…

Luana Arturi

Aug 8, 2019, 11:49 am Reply

This is soo bad!

Baraldi

Aug 8, 2019, 11:53 am Reply

I keep tryna give Seth a chance… but he is so much less funny than Colbert and John Oliver 🙁

J Sae

Aug 8, 2019, 1:00 pm Reply

I'm so glad I watched this, laughed so hard literally had tears ???

Elyse Fairchild

Aug 8, 2019, 3:47 pm Reply

The greatest sketch!!!! Where are all the other Popsicles Schticks so I can binge???

Hebert’s World

Aug 8, 2019, 3:50 pm Reply

So disturbed! lol

V. Giardes

Aug 8, 2019, 4:10 pm Reply

This is so f*cking annoying

Geek The Girl

Aug 8, 2019, 5:20 pm Reply

Has anyone considered that this segment might be better off in the "Nah" pile?

Xander’s Game

Aug 8, 2019, 5:40 pm Reply

Worst segment

G G

Aug 8, 2019, 7:12 pm Reply

This is – unironically – my favorite Late Night bit.

Richard the Great

Aug 8, 2019, 7:26 pm Reply

Demonic

RossOfKintyre

Aug 8, 2019, 7:46 pm Reply

Anyone else getting a Stewart Lee vibe from this?

dreamervanroom

Aug 8, 2019, 8:16 pm Reply

Every second talking about why you were amused. . .
Edit: after the head was a great stopping point

Tom Chamberlain

Aug 8, 2019, 8:46 pm Reply

best one yet.. 😀

Grace Stephan

Aug 8, 2019, 8:51 pm Reply

Man, the graphics department must have had a fun with this

Angelique Mason

Aug 8, 2019, 8:58 pm Reply

11 minutes that I can't unwatch

SeniorRouge

Aug 8, 2019, 9:35 pm Reply

those popsicle jokes really stunk

Sr s

Aug 8, 2019, 10:44 pm Reply

no

thwip71

Aug 8, 2019, 11:54 pm Reply

When you pray for the writer's strike that never comes.

Jeffery C

Aug 8, 2019, 1:15 am Reply

I was not here. They got you with the Bebe. After that… Suffer.

Michael Woodsdale

Aug 8, 2019, 2:28 am Reply

…wow that’s what you get for leaving the writing staff unsupervised

Patrick Myers

Aug 8, 2019, 3:19 am Reply

funniest thing I have ever seen, super low expectations, unbelievably awesome consequences.

Dee LaCuesta

Aug 8, 2019, 3:22 am Reply

6:55 of life I’ll never get back.

Whitney D.

Aug 8, 2019, 3:29 am Reply

First time I actually laughed at Seth Meyers. This has a Conan O'Brien feel to it

mytexas days

Aug 8, 2019, 3:38 am Reply

Should have stopped at Beyonce.

itgetter9

Aug 8, 2019, 4:05 am Reply

This sketch brought to you by marijuana legalization. 🙂

Theagames10

Aug 8, 2019, 4:23 am Reply

6:52 only liking the video because there was this Power Rangers joke 🙂

Kate Coombs

Aug 8, 2019, 4:32 am Reply

Watch your back, Seth! Your writers have violence on the mind… That desk in front of you could go up in flames any minute!

finonyaj

Aug 8, 2019, 4:35 am Reply

I literally cried laughing at this

evelynzation

Aug 8, 2019, 4:44 am Reply

Classic. Gotta love them schitxz

Mary Rose Kent

Aug 8, 2019, 4:58 am Reply

Seth’s face after Luigi Board was primo!

Sir Smokee Fortwence

Aug 8, 2019, 7:55 am Reply

Oof. The schtick hurts.

CaptLogun

Aug 8, 2019, 7:55 am Reply

I'm now reminded why I usually turn off auto play on youtube.

azae00 Vids

Aug 8, 2019, 8:32 am Reply

I loved it .. you loved it .. that why you spent 11 min of you life watching it.. .otherwise your a sick schtick

Tali R

Aug 8, 2019, 8:53 am Reply

Dear animators
Who hurt you?

Mcbeg33

Aug 8, 2019, 9:25 am Reply

Legendary!

Jeff Steik

Aug 8, 2019, 10:31 am Reply

Never do this again.

Jeff Steik

Aug 8, 2019, 10:32 am Reply

Amber is terrible

Alec Jack Galpert

Aug 8, 2019, 11:27 am Reply

WTF…..A time filler.????????..

Lia A. Eastwood

Aug 8, 2019, 11:46 am Reply

What the hell was that?!?!? Now these images schtick to my brain forever…

Jasmine Duff

Aug 8, 2019, 11:53 am Reply

Chris are u ok???

Christine Walczak

Aug 8, 2019, 12:12 pm Reply

That was awful.

ArisCarroll

Aug 8, 2019, 1:41 pm Reply

this is clearly the best thing ever to come out of seth's show

Andy Perrott

Aug 8, 2019, 1:44 pm Reply

The hair keeps getting bigger and bigger and I love it.

Barry Midikiner

Aug 8, 2019, 3:31 pm Reply

Doesn't Seth do comedy anymore?

Alex Cruz

Aug 8, 2019, 4:17 pm Reply

Too much weed?

Amber Cunningham-Puckett

Aug 8, 2019, 4:22 pm Reply

Good work ?

Bree Harrison

Aug 8, 2019, 5:33 pm Reply

Seth, what the fuzzy did you do to the cast??!!

Michael Snyder

Aug 8, 2019, 5:51 pm Reply

Why am I finding this so funny? Brilliant I think

Bubble Gum

Aug 8, 2019, 6:17 pm Reply

I love Seth's resignation and explanations of these. ?

Princess Luna

Aug 8, 2019, 8:36 pm Reply

I love Seth!!!! So much! I've been taken advantage of ? took it well ???

Phoebe Porter

Aug 8, 2019, 8:39 pm Reply

Let's all acknowledge the real star of all this, Amber's singing

Lindalee Law

Aug 8, 2019, 9:14 pm Reply

Popsicle stick. aka writers screwing off

Lindalee Law

Aug 8, 2019, 9:15 pm Reply

Seth, honey, you're losing control…. lol

EngPMgt

Aug 8, 2019, 9:57 pm Reply

This is the weirdest segment of Seth Meyers’ show! ?

Kris Frederick

Aug 8, 2019, 10:37 pm Reply

Ok, that's enough, after the Luigi Board.

Robin Williams

Aug 8, 2019, 12:20 am Reply

I'd totally buy an Amber Ruffin album.

Iyaya Ekita

Aug 8, 2019, 6:01 am Reply

shockingly violent. sick. frightening. inappropriate. sorry, i just cannot enjoy this one type of 'humor'. shame on your staff.

The Grice Is Right

Aug 8, 2019, 7:05 am Reply

You motherfuckers take too many vacations

Gurl on Girl-Gaming

Aug 8, 2019, 10:04 am Reply

This is so incredibly stupid. And I loved every minute of it!
???

John Capobianco

Aug 8, 2019, 11:02 am Reply

Comedy rule No.4, when a bit goes on for so long and is so ridiculous that it becomes funny.

Maureen Hastings

Aug 8, 2019, 11:05 am Reply

Unbearable

Korat Nebelung

Aug 8, 2019, 11:33 am Reply

would have been funnier if they just had Seth read the Luigi Board thing

warintorn udom

Aug 8, 2019, 12:31 pm Reply

horrible

Riasat202

Aug 8, 2019, 1:02 pm Reply

Seth definitely fired some people after this haha!

Joanne Burns

Aug 8, 2019, 1:23 pm Reply

(Sigh….)

Ricky Dunn

Aug 8, 2019, 2:07 pm Reply

Worst ever!!! Dumbest skits.

Rel

Aug 8, 2019, 2:10 pm Reply

No

Steve Jarvis

Aug 8, 2019, 3:56 pm Reply

So cringe.

Simulated Created

Aug 8, 2019, 4:03 pm Reply

Fantastic! Loved it!

QueenDesChaos

Aug 8, 2019, 4:12 pm Reply

This is what happens, when the one guy that gives a crap about the group project is completly done with the world and decides to let the others do the work cause how much could go wrong anyway. Love it. Definetly going to have nightmares about this. But love it.

fancyfeast1001

Aug 8, 2019, 4:16 pm Reply

This is gold!

maine.ale

Aug 8, 2019, 4:16 pm Reply

Popsicle Schtick hour-long special in 2020 please.

Luna Wolfgang

Aug 8, 2019, 5:55 pm Reply

My favorite segment of my favorite late show

jimjimmyjames59

Aug 8, 2019, 6:30 pm Reply

That was totally worth it. Was that Amber voicing Annie?

ZENISKEN

Aug 8, 2019, 6:42 pm Reply

This is what this show will be like after Trump leaves office. Popsicle stick skits. Thats our future.

christianlorre

Aug 8, 2019, 8:31 pm Reply

It's orphan time, do a little orphan annie parody – okay, but it's still too dark a joke to do.

ftlpunk

Aug 8, 2019, 8:53 pm Reply

This is bad

Jack S

Aug 8, 2019, 10:16 pm Reply

I thought you guys just got back from a two week vacation?

Karen Moll

Aug 8, 2019, 10:31 pm Reply

The is one of the best things I have ever seen in my life

General Durandal

Aug 8, 2019, 11:42 pm Reply

Trump's cronies just changed how America elects it's President.

He plans to be President for life, then his son after him.

Don't let America become a true Dictatorship.

PawPaw Kellum

Aug 8, 2019, 12:41 am Reply

Needed more dying and maybe some dyeing.

nikkilb

Aug 8, 2019, 1:40 am Reply

I have lost count of how may times I have watched this and its still funny!!!!

Daniel Retter

Aug 8, 2019, 4:54 am Reply

Kinda trash…

PARANDROID

Aug 8, 2019, 10:40 am Reply

Nothing can save this show. It is just bad

Louis Parsons

Aug 8, 2019, 11:37 am Reply

wow well this was a career low for seth…bye gurl….

Shun Gowens

Aug 8, 2019, 5:08 pm Reply

Schtic was dope!!
Amber Ruffin straight murderin schtic!!
??????

Adam Farnsworth

Aug 8, 2019, 10:34 pm Reply

The dancing, single lady sticks reminded me of the Whammies from back in the day

Ted McCulloch

Aug 8, 2019, 4:03 am Reply

this was absolute gold

Rebecca Velasquez

Aug 8, 2019, 7:56 am Reply

Why did Annie’s fro keep growing ??

Jodi Owen

Aug 8, 2019, 12:35 pm Reply

I was waiting for her hair to catch fire but I did not expect how far they would take it! ?

G. Cosper

Aug 8, 2019, 3:57 pm Reply

This was the rught amount of weird.

wrngsurgeon

Aug 8, 2019, 9:17 pm Reply

seth meyers is hardly the worst offender but tv still needs to die already.

wrngsurgeon

Aug 8, 2019, 9:57 pm Reply

they pay their writers for their willingness to commit if nothing else.

Saeryf

Aug 8, 2019, 10:37 pm Reply

I mean… there aren't really any "bad" puns. And you can't pass up on saying a pun… so… I guess your writers took Popsicle Schtick and did it right. They're righters now.

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