| by Kenneth Chase | No comments

Nathan For You – Antique Shop

– Emily Yep has been
operating her antique shop,
Magnolia and Willow,
in the Long Beach area,
for over five years,
but lately,
she’s been finding it tough
to get customers in the door.
– It does get hard
when it’s really slow. I mean, it always feels like
it’s the end of the world.– But after surveying
the neighborhood,
I realized that Emily
might not be taking
full advantage
of her surroundings,
so I paid her a visit
with a way to help.
I noticed there are
a lot of bars and nightclubs
in the area. – Yeah. – Is that something
you like? – Um, it’s a little hard. Sometimes we have some problems
with over-serving and that kind of thing,
but most of the time, we’re closed by 6:00,
so it doesn’t affect us as much.– But maybe it should.You see, Magnolia and Willow
has a strict
“you break it, you buy it”
meaning that if an item breaks,
it’s as good as a sale,
so if, instead of closing
at 6:00 p.m.,
Emily extended
her hours
to be open
straight through the night,
her chances
of inebriated customers
generating new sales
would greatly increase.
The plan:
attract late-night drunks
by staying open
24 hours a day.
– Well, possibly,
I guess, yeah. I mean, I would–
I guess so, yeah. – I mean,
the way I see it, if you get the right drunk
in here… – Yeah.
– You could make more in a single night
than you do all month. – I just wouldn’t prefer
a broken item. I’d rather sell a good one,
but yeah, I mean, it would be the same thing,
no matter what happens, so. – I mean, a lot of this stuff
is–probably the only way you’re gonna get anything for it
is if someone breaks it. – Well, some of the items,
but yeah. – Yeah, yeah. – Yeah.– Emily agreed to try out
my idea
to see if it got the results
I had promised,
so the next day,
I returned to the store
and officially changed
the hours.
Then to help our cause, I had
the aisles narrowed slightly
and moved some
of her poorer-selling items
to an area of the store
that would increase
the likelihood
of accidental contact.
So that evening,
once the sun went down,
it was time to see if the new
extended hours would work.
But knowing
that tonight’s sales
would determine
if Emily kept using my idea,
I wanted to guarantee
we had some results,
so I headed
to a nearby bar
with a plan
to befriend a drunk patron
and lead them
back to the store.
Do you know the antique shop
next door? – Oh, yeah, yeah. – They’re open
24 hours now. – Yeah.
– Okay, well…– After a few
unsuccessful attempts
to connect
with the locals…
– I finally found someone
who was willing to chat.
– What’s your favorite movie? – “Inception.” – “Inception,” really? – Yeah.
Have you seen that? – Why?
Why is it your favorite movie? – What’s yours? – “Forrest Gump.”– He told me
his name was JJ,
and he seemed like
my best shot
at getting a big sale
for Emily,
but for this to work,
I needed to get him drunk
while staying
sober enough myself
to execute the plan,so prior to my arrival,
I had a vacuum-powered device
sewn into the lining
of my jacket
that was designed
to discreetly suck up
the alcohol I was served
through a tube,
into a pouch
on my back.
Then a second motor
would deliver apple juice
from a different pouch,
quickly refilling the glass
and allowing me to go
shot-for-shot with JJ
without losing my focus
one bit.
– Cheers.– Over the course
of the next hour,
we had several rounds,and I noticed that JJ
was getting pretty tipsy.
– My roommates put this
piece of paper in my pocket. Like, “Just in case you get
too drunk and get lost tonight.” – That’s your address?
– [laughs] Yeah. – They put a piece of paper with your address
in your pocket? So you get drunk often. – Oh, yeah. – Really drunk.
– Every night.– And I felt that we were
finally ready to head out.
I explained to him
that the cameras were there
for a documentary
about nightlife in Long Beach,
but in reality,
my only goal
was to get him
inside the antique shop.
There was just one more step
I had to take to get him ready.
There’s this costume party
in the area that– – A costume party? – Yeah.
– Let’s go. – You want to go?
– Yeah.– Safety is always
my number one priority,
so I came up with the idea
of a costume party
as a way to get JJ
into a padded outfit
that would protect himagainst any antiques
he might shatter
once he stumbled
into Emily’s store.
– Cool–oh.
– Oh, shit. – Ow, [bleep]!And with that, we headed out
to my made-up party.
I just hoped I could
convince him
to make a stop
along the way.
Oh, sweet, look.
Open 24 hours. – What is it? – Looks like some sort
of store, but look. – Free p–
– Free pizza. – Do you see it?
It’s right back there. It’s right there at the back
by a heat lamp. – Let’s go.
– All right. – You’re coming with me?
– Yeah, yeah, yeah.[doorbell ringing]– [groans] Ooh.
[dishes clattering]
Uh– – You okay, man? – I’m all right
right now. – All right.
You better be careful. – It’s all right. – Watch your back. – There’s no way.
– Should– – I can’t even fit through that.
It’s too tight. – Well, what do you–I mean,
do you want the pizza or what? – I’m kind of wedged here. – You broke this stuff.
– Right, I see that, and that’s why I’m, like,
eh, I don’t really want to break anymore ’cause
it’s [bleep] super expensive. – You have a “you break it,
you buy it” policy? – Yeah.– The plan was a success.JJ had destroyed
a large selection of antiques,
and once he freed himself
from the aisle,
all Emily had to do was
catalogue the broken items…
– You’re pretty clumsy,
huh? – Is there any way I can
take this thing off?– And ring up the sale.– It’s about $280
worth of damage, and that’s probably
getting off easy ’cause I couldn’t really assess
all of that broken– – Right. [laughs]
– Boo.– So with that, Emily
got to make a sizable sale.
Well, lesson learned,
huh? – Right.
– Sorry.– And JJ even got to take home
some antiques.
If you look at it this way,
it looks like it’s brand-new. – Right. – So… it’s kind of a blessing
in disguise. – Right, right, right.– I was so happy
everything worked out,
and Emily seemed
really won over by the idea,
but as we left
the store,
I noticed that JJ
was still pretty drunk,
and since he made
such a big purchase,
I felt the least I could do
was be a gentleman
and give him
a ride home.
Do you often do
stuff like that without really
thinking it through? – Um, yeah.– As we drove
to JJ’s apartment,
I thought my night
was over,
but that’s when he started
talking to me
about his sex life.– Tag team a girl, yeah. – Tag team a girl? – Yeah.
– Yeah, what’s that? – It’s when you have a threesome
with two guys and one girl. – And you do that?
– Yeah. – Yeah, yeah. – I do it with my brother
a lot, actually. – Oh, really?
– Me and my brother are dogs.– JJ began
going into detail
about the threesomes
he has with his brother,
and that that point, I really
just wanted to get home,
but when I
dropped him off,
he insisted
that I meet the guy,
so I waited outside
as JJ went in
and brought out
his brother.
You guys have sex
with the same girl. – Yeah.
[both laughing] – I told him about–
I told him about tag team. – Yeah.
– I told him. – So you guys
are brothers? – Mm-hmm.
– Yeah. – And you guys, you’ll have sex
with the same girl? – Mm-hmm. – Shit, I’ll be
[bleep] a girl when he’s [bleep] a girl
right next to me. Two…even, like. – And then you’re looking
at each other during it? – No.
– It’s dark in the room. Lights are off all the way,
and you don’t see shit. – It’s fine. – But if you’re not looking
at each other, and you’re having sex
with a girl, why not just one of you
do it, and then the next one
does it later? – ‘Cause it’s something we do,
it’s [bleep]– – Right, it’s just
something we’ve done. I mean, all my homeboys
from back in Ohio, they do it. Everybody does this shit,
Max, [bleep] George. – J-squad.
Shout out to J-squad, you– – Shout out to that J-squad.
– J-squad. – I mean, the one–
I do look at you guys, and a part of me is envious
that, you know, I don’t have someone in my life
that is–I’m this close with. – [snorts and spits] – It’s nice to see
brotherly love taken to that level,
in a way. – Yeah, I definitely see
where you’re coming from. – It’s just–
– And, like, you know– – To us, it’s just, like–
it’s nothing. – It’s just, like, that’s what
[bleep] we’re used to. We’re used to all this shit.
– Right. – It’s great meeting you.
– Yeah, yeah. – All right, man. – See you, guys.
– Yup. – All right, buddy, yup.– With a successful night
under our belt,
I could finally return
to Magnolia and Willow
to get Emily’s thoughts
on how it went.
I mean, that’s a pretty big
sale, right? – Yeah, yeah, yeah,
definitely, it helps, yeah. – So how’d you feel about that?
That’s– – It’s good, yeah,
and, you know, any time we’re moving…
– Great, right? – Any product, it’s always
beneficial to the store, so– – That was a lot
of product. – Yeah, I mean,
it was good. It’s just kind of awkward…
– Definitely. – Having people
that might be having a little too much
to drink. It’s a little harder
to control in your store, that kind of thing. – Well, a sale’s a sale. – Yeah, for sure.
– Yeah, definitely. – Yeah. – All right. – Yeah, thank you for all
your help and your suggestions. This is all really great. – Mm-hmm.
– Good experience to try it. Thank you.
– Yeah. – Have a good day. – Yeah, you–
no, you too. – Thanks.[playful music]♪ ♪Thank you.

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