| by Kenneth Chase | 100 comments

Key & Peele – Auction Block


– ALL RIGHT,
Y’ALL GATHER ROUND.
GATHER ROUND.
WELCOME, GENTLEMEN. WHAT A BEAUTIFUL AND BLESSED DAY
FOR AN AUCTION. ALL RIGHT, Y’ALL,
GET ON UP THERE. – PUT THAT WHIP DOWN
AND SEE WHAT HAPPENS, THOUGH. – STRAIGHT UP. I DON’T CARE WHAT PLANTATION
I END UP ON. I’M STRAIGHT STAGING A REVOLT
IN THIS MOTHER[bleep]. – HELLS YEAH. – WE HAVE LOT A,
LOT B, AND LOT C. – UH, $3 ON LOT A.
– $4. – 5! – $5 GOING ONCE, TWICE,
THREE TIMES, SOLD. LOT A GOES TO THE MAN
IN THE BLACK HAT. – I MEAN, GOOD.
– YEAH. – [chuckles] I’M GLAD
I DIDN’T GET SOLD, ‘CAUSE I DON’T WANT TO BE OWNED
BY ANOTHER HUMAN BEING. – WHOEVER BUYS ME, THEY BETTER
KILL ME THE FIRST DAY, OR I’MA GO BUCK-WILD
ON THE WHOLE OPERATION. – OKAAY? – NEXT ONE,
GET UP ON UP THERE, NOW. – OH, THIS–OKAY. both: [inhale] – $6 ON LOT A. – $7!
– EIGHT. – 9! – $9 GOING ONCE, TWICE,
THREE TIMES, SOLD! both: [exhale] – OKAY, WELL,
YOU HAVE TO BUY THAT DUDE. – IT’S A NO-BRAINER.
– I MEAN, THAT GUY’S HUGE. – A MASSIVE INDIVIDUAL. – THAT’S TWO OF ME.
– ANYBODY WOULD BUY HIM. – I’D BUY THAT DUDE. – MY QUESTION IS
HOW’D THEY CATCH HIM? – NEXT! – OKAY. OH, YEAH.
– YEAH. – $2 ON LOT A. – $2 GOING ONCE, TWICE,
THREE TIMES, SOLD. – SEE, NOW,
THAT SURPRISES ME. – THAT IS INTERESTING,
TO SAY THE LEAST. – I MEAN, WELL, IT JUST SEEMS
LIKE AT A CERTAIN POINT, IT’S LIKE, DO THEY EVEN KNOW
WHAT THEY’RE LOOKING FOR? – IT’S LIKE
THE WHOLE CRITERIA SEEMS JUST A LITTLE
INCONSISTENT. – I MEAN, AT SOME POINT,
I WANT TO BE ON LOT A. – YEAH, WHICH–
CAN A BROTHA GET ON LOT A? – NEXT. – OH, HERE WE GO.
– HERE WE GO. – BEEN A PLEASURE.
– GIVE ‘EM HELL. – ALL RIGHT.
– OKAY. – $8 ON LOT A. – GOING ONCE, TWICE,
THREE TIMES, SOLD! – HOW DOES THAT HAPPEN?
– NOPE, NOT TRUE. – HOW DOES IT HAPPEN? – WHAT YOU JUST SAID–
THAT’S GOBBLEDYGOOK. OKAY? THAT CAN’T BE TRUE.
‘CAUSE WHAT CAN THIS DUDE DO? LOOK AT HIM.
WHAT COULD HE PICK? A COTTON PLANT
IS, LIKE, THIS TALL. – YES.
– I’M SAY– NO OFFENSE, BROTHA,
I’M JUST SAYING. – OFFENSE TAKEN.
– WHA–[gasps] AM I WRONG? IS HE NOT SHORT?
HE’S SHORT. BUT YOU ARE ACTUALLY SHORT
IN REAL LIFE, IN THE WORLD. – YOU’RE GOOD, MAN.
– ENOUGH. I WILL NOT HAVE
MY REPUTATION TAINTED, SELLIN’ SUPERFICIAL,
BIGOTED SLAVES. – SUPERFICIAL? DID THAT REALLY
JUST COME OUT OF YOUR MOUTH? – THAT’S IT!
THIS AUCTION’S OVER! – AUCTION’S OVER?
– WHOA, WHOA, WHOA. NO, IT’S–IT AIN’T OVER.
IT’S NOT OVER! I’M STRONG, Y’ALL! I’M VERY STR–
I CAN SLEEP IN A BUCKET. – I’M FAST, I GOT STAMINA,
AND I KNOW MAGIC. – MY WORST QUALITY
IS THAT I’M A PERFECTIONIST. – LET ME MEN–
HAVE I MENTIONED THIS? DOCILE. I AM AGREEABLE
TO A FAULT. YOU SHOULD HAVE SEEN THE DUDE
WHO ASKED ME TO GET ON THE BOAT WHEN WE CAME OVER HERE. – NOT A VIOLENT BONE
IN MY BODY. – I JUST WALKED RIGHT ON,
NO BIG DEAL. NEVER SEEN A BOAT
IN MY LIFE.

100 Comments

Comedy Central

Jan 1, 2019, 8:26 pm Reply

Subscribe to the new Key & Peele YouTube channel for all the classics as well as new-to-YouTube sketches: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCdN4aXTrHAtfgbVG9HjBmxQ?sub_confirmation=1

Yamin Haniyah

Oct 10, 2019, 9:48 pm Reply

" Docile, I am agreeable to a fault " " Never seen a boat in my life."

Latrell Cooper

Oct 10, 2019, 11:04 pm Reply

As a black man i should not laugh but i laugh the hardest

Yagami Taiga

Oct 10, 2019, 1:04 am Reply

this what the US Been doing after killing the native americans they enslaved black people for centuries disgusting country

Kobra 559

Oct 10, 2019, 1:08 am Reply

So is the joke that they are whiter that's why they aren't being bought?

You Tube

Oct 10, 2019, 2:21 am Reply

I think this is a diss for every Black person who don't consider this guys black.

Serious Black

Oct 10, 2019, 3:49 am Reply

TF? I just walked on NO BIG DEAL, never seen ah Boat in my Life. Im Done wit Life RN. LMAO

afrosoko

Oct 10, 2019, 6:33 am Reply

Does anyone Notice Key scratching his ear then blowing a way a fly that comes buzzing

Trademark. x

Oct 10, 2019, 7:07 am Reply

so basically slave owners did not like light skin people

Tosin Akin

Oct 10, 2019, 9:54 am Reply

Did they just talk their way out of slavery while trying to get sold?

leolion1993

Oct 10, 2019, 11:55 am Reply

"I am agreeable……..to a fault " LMAOOOOO

Montay TheGreat

Oct 10, 2019, 12:29 pm Reply

When your from Savannah Georgia ?

Shan Serv

Oct 10, 2019, 2:24 pm Reply

This key and Peele marathon is destroying my life

Thomas Linssen

Oct 10, 2019, 6:32 pm Reply

Don't you just hate those BIGOTED slaves!

Riiftz

Oct 10, 2019, 7:26 pm Reply

"that's gobildygook!"?? keegan had me there

Serena Howard

Oct 10, 2019, 5:42 am Reply

2012 “get out “ ?

Neel Bose

Oct 10, 2019, 6:53 am Reply

Those 2 looks barely black to be honest.

John Doe

Oct 10, 2019, 2:12 pm Reply

90/10 90% of what they do is not funny. The other 10% is hilarious and will never get old. This skit is one of them. I could watch this over and over everyday. The last part is crazy funny.

ChedengMB

Oct 10, 2019, 5:26 pm Reply

That must have been scary back in the days

We Care

Oct 10, 2019, 6:28 pm Reply

Okayyyyyyyyyyyy!

dbza killer

Oct 10, 2019, 7:36 pm Reply

Your welcome

Omar Rojas

Oct 10, 2019, 8:04 pm Reply

Lol lol lol

Mr V

Oct 10, 2019, 8:56 pm Reply

Lol

QUENTIN BAYLOR

Oct 10, 2019, 3:39 am Reply

U guys are too funny!!! Haven't laughed this hard in a while. Got tears in my eyes…..much love!!!

jennifer g

Oct 10, 2019, 5:57 am Reply

“They better kill me the first day or imma go buck wild on the whole operation “
??

Alstein E

Oct 10, 2019, 6:55 am Reply

"Am i wrong?? He's short!" Hahaha

Ahdree23

Oct 10, 2019, 1:40 pm Reply

Kanye West: Slavery was a choice

hygge

Oct 10, 2019, 6:14 pm Reply

“See now that surprises me” ??

Araceli Rosales

Oct 10, 2019, 7:05 pm Reply

The blacker the berry the sweeter the juice..okaayyy!!?

Knight Zanir

Oct 10, 2019, 8:27 pm Reply

How'd they catch him though?

Find out on the next episode of Dragon Ball Z

james leatherman

Oct 10, 2019, 8:44 pm Reply

Superficial bigoted slaves. Lmao

Eric311

Oct 10, 2019, 4:10 am Reply

“My question is how’d they catch him.” ?

Sister 2 Earth

Oct 10, 2019, 6:20 am Reply

I want to slap y’all!!! So silly.

Toppy Cat

Oct 10, 2019, 6:32 am Reply

I will not have my reputation tainted by some superficial, bigoted slaves!! ????

Beyond Caring

Oct 10, 2019, 7:00 am Reply

Nothing I hate more than bigoted slaves…

Vinicius Moura

Oct 10, 2019, 8:34 am Reply

Me at every job Interview i've ever been!!

Ben Stang

Oct 10, 2019, 5:38 pm Reply

Back in the good ol' days when you could get farm machinery for cheap price.

Saibal Republic

Oct 10, 2019, 5:59 pm Reply

The little man is still taking the offense in 2019

Nzumbe D’Epie

Oct 10, 2019, 9:22 pm Reply

I came here mainly to read comments. So please keep them short and concise so that I can read as many as possible. Thank you….And oh, don't forget to like my comment after reading it. Thanks again?

Simeone Montrond

Oct 10, 2019, 10:12 pm Reply

This is a little fucked up

AmericanRelic2hear

Oct 10, 2019, 1:32 am Reply

Omg???

Sirwindypants23

Oct 10, 2019, 2:18 am Reply

bruh thats andy from according to jim lol

Howling Burd19

Oct 10, 2019, 9:18 am Reply

“I mean, at some point I wanna be on Lot A.”

krrrruptidsoless

Oct 10, 2019, 11:47 am Reply

Normal day job application process to a job you're applying for that you don't really want until you realize they're giving it to other people.. people that you think you're way more qualified for than they are.?

krrrruptidsoless

Oct 10, 2019, 11:51 am Reply

you wouldn't even have to ask me to work just point in the direction, point in the worst direction, point at a big pile of rocks you just want to move from one place to another and that's all I do
Point at a sticker Bush point at a whole field of sticker bushes that you want me to pull them with my lips I'll pull that whole field with my lips okay then I'll put them stickerbushes on my bareback
I don't care how long I have to carry those sticker bushes on my bear back I'll have somebody hit me with a stick while carrying sticker bushes on my back
hell I'll even let you whoop me with a whip while I'm carrying a bundle of sticker bushes while getting beat with a baseball bat on the sticker bushes in bare feet on molten glass

I was waiting for those line…..?

Samir Carreta

Oct 10, 2019, 2:37 pm Reply

I can sleep in a bucket ??

I’m dead ?

Leignheart

Oct 10, 2019, 3:25 pm Reply

Bigoted slaves. This is the funniest thing I’ve seen in a while

Conor Gibson

Oct 10, 2019, 7:11 pm Reply

ACTUALLY Dixie wasn’t written until 2 years before the American Civil War.

sonam Choejay

Oct 10, 2019, 7:23 pm Reply

That’s Comedy cooked?

YaNoAwantoMas

Oct 10, 2019, 9:53 pm Reply

Blacks were prejudiced since then huh.

trit FN

Oct 10, 2019, 1:42 am Reply

Heres a good Halloween trick buy a bunch of reeses, and dont answer the door

Rombo Loyo

Oct 10, 2019, 3:52 am Reply

Why dis this video appear while searching for dave the barbarian lol

Apm 73

Oct 10, 2019, 6:30 am Reply

Are they even black tho

Ashioma Medi

Oct 10, 2019, 10:38 pm Reply

My question is

How did they catch him?

Trenton’s Messenger

Oct 10, 2019, 11:39 pm Reply

"How'd they catch him?"…???

TaunTaun’s Mr.President

Oct 10, 2019, 11:48 pm Reply

I'm surprised that the libbies haven't gotten this taken off of YouTube. They probably don't know it's here, DONT TELL THEM!!!!

Boot

Oct 10, 2019, 1:32 am Reply

That is OFFICIALLY gobbledygook

LaLa Harris

Oct 10, 2019, 1:35 am Reply

Superficial bigoted slaves…classic???and they were

Film Toppings

Oct 10, 2019, 7:21 am Reply

I feel bad for all the white actors in this sketch

The Lock Picking Lebowski

Oct 10, 2019, 2:37 pm Reply

"Gobbledygook!" LOL

The Hopper

Oct 10, 2019, 7:39 pm Reply

Dang rejected!!!!

Joe Smoe

Oct 10, 2019, 4:17 pm Reply

?

Silas Cochran

Oct 10, 2019, 4:59 pm Reply

Absolutely the funniest show on television and YouTube

Zaid Siddiqui

Oct 10, 2019, 6:54 pm Reply

Don’t forget there were brown slaves too so brown people technically use the n word too

Anthony Hill

Oct 10, 2019, 8:33 pm Reply

This was more offensive than it was funny

This Zoo Baby

Oct 10, 2019, 8:49 pm Reply

Exactly how most black entertainers and athletes act now days..

Sad truth ?

Sinister K.I.D. America

Oct 10, 2019, 11:07 pm Reply

Sad to think this actually use to happen in real life

Jwen7836

Oct 10, 2019, 1:29 am Reply

That's G O B B L D E G O O K

G B

Oct 10, 2019, 6:09 am Reply

"Bigot slaves" lol

Michael Philpott

Oct 10, 2019, 8:44 pm Reply

You see that surprised me

Michael Philpott

Oct 10, 2019, 8:44 pm Reply

What can he pick

Nicolas YLB

Oct 10, 2019, 4:13 pm Reply

I never noticed how they are posing at 1:03 ?

Lionel Jackson

Oct 10, 2019, 5:18 pm Reply

The Moral of the skit is that people want respect no matter conditions they live in . They still want to be treated equally.

Jamie Whitefield

Oct 10, 2019, 7:09 pm Reply

This was funny! These guys are great!

Serendipity

Oct 10, 2019, 11:32 pm Reply

Nope..not true… that's gobbledygook

鈴木工直

Oct 10, 2019, 2:57 am Reply

he is too white ,damn??

M. Asquino

Oct 10, 2019, 3:48 am Reply

where's the PC police. love Key and Peele

ItsLifeLetsLiveIt

Oct 10, 2019, 3:51 am Reply

God Definitely didn’t bless y’all to be selling other human being 0:02

Virginia Williamson

Oct 10, 2019, 4:13 am Reply

I feel shitty for getting nostalgia on this video???

Aditya Chauhan

Oct 10, 2019, 12:01 pm Reply

I read that audition

D’Andre Thomas

Oct 10, 2019, 1:46 pm Reply

2019?

southernphunkadelic

Oct 10, 2019, 2:42 pm Reply

You Can't make fun of slavery… nothing to laugh about

Hi. There

Oct 10, 2019, 3:55 pm Reply

chappelle show for daytime tv

Jr Gtz

Oct 10, 2019, 1:24 am Reply

Ohhh man so good

Steph Powell

Oct 10, 2019, 9:49 pm Reply

Well…..only a half brother…….
In Jamaica back in the day, they used to say 1 Black man was worth 2 coolie's (half Indian half Black).
Racist of course but that was the consensus. Interesting that they'd come up with the same concept.

Shaundel Hinds

Oct 10, 2019, 12:01 am Reply

?????

darren motise

Oct 10, 2019, 4:40 am Reply

Utter brilliance. End of story.

10 MO

Oct 10, 2019, 6:20 am Reply

Menn they are not black enough

Ricarus Dogbe

Oct 10, 2019, 11:08 am Reply

I like this and hate this so much I can't press the like or dislike button.

Canetha moore

Oct 10, 2019, 3:01 pm Reply

????

Alone Joker

Oct 10, 2019, 8:18 pm Reply

1:17

kev vic

Oct 10, 2019, 9:06 pm Reply

1:03 i can sleep in a bucket,, buy 2 buckets & cut costs

Fredj Anis

Oct 10, 2019, 9:08 pm Reply

2:32 my lies in interviews hhh

ROCKY ADZABA EMVO

Oct 10, 2019, 10:59 pm Reply

"Do they even know what they looking for? " ??????

A ѕ т я σ η α c н т

Oct 10, 2019, 5:02 am Reply

The auction man is not a jew! Why not keep it historically accurate?

Zechariah Wermuth

Oct 10, 2019, 6:02 am Reply

2:07 Girls when you 5’11 3/4” Tall.

Fabrique En Chine

Oct 10, 2019, 6:22 am Reply

Hoes on the block.Replace this skit with prostitution.

Jeevan pun

Oct 10, 2019, 6:43 pm Reply

Face is enough????

Jeevan pun

Oct 10, 2019, 6:43 pm Reply

Face is enough????

Ted Rowland

Oct 10, 2019, 10:44 pm Reply

Imagine their ancestors seeing this. Slavery was wrong but to trivialize it and make jokes about it is worse.

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