| by Kenneth Chase | 100 comments

James Veitch – 2017 Opening Night Comedy Allstars Supershow


Hi guys. I am going to tell you about a text
message I got that was not meant for me and I know that because it began Hi Phil.
And I’m not Phil. It said. My name’s Andrew; I’m one of the new tenants at 11
Dover Place and I’ve been told you’re the person to contact regarding upkeep problems etc.
I said Ah I’m not actually. And I was just composing another text message
displaying the fact that he probably got the number wrong by a digital or so but then before I had a chance to send it I got this. Saying actually you are. *crowd laughs* And I thought, ah you d*ck. He said according to the leasing agreement, you’re responsible for looking after 11 Dover Place from a maintenance perspective. From my perspective which it has to be said is not one of maintenance there’s only one thing I could do my hands were tied. I said my mistake. How can I help? Phil. *crowd laughs* And we were off. He said I’m in the
bedroom with ensuite; Can a thermostatic valve be fitted to the towel rail in the bathroom as it’s making the room unbearably hot. I thought about it and I said no can do. *crowd laughs* But, I’m having my builder come round on
Wednesday to remove one of the windows. *crowd laughs* This should stop the bedroom overheating. *crowd laughs* He said Hi Phil, I’m at work on Wednesday. Can you clarify what you meant when you said you’re removing a window? I said Don’t worry, I’m not removing a window. That would be ridiculous. I’m getting a professional to do it. *crowd laughs* We should achieve a nice summer
breeze to combat the towel rail heat. He said Can you please explain what you mean about removing windows!!! Now at this point guys, if you were Andrew you probably would be wondering quite correctly whether I was indeed Phil. And I didn’t want him to think that because by this point I had plans. So what I wanted was some proof. So what I did is I just went to do Google and I Google searched… Google’s amazing. Coz the first thing that came up, was an archived Zoopla page for 11 Dover Place when I searched for it, including a floor plan and I thought wow that is very useful. *crowd laughs* Because there’s only one room with
ensuite so I said look this is the plan for Wednesday. Now guys watch very carefully. *crowd laughs* I made that into an animated gif and I
sent it to him via iMessage but what I didn’t realise at the time was that if you sent an animated gif via iMessage, it just repeats. I said look FYI, to take full advantage of this, you’ll need to keep your bathroom door open at all times. He said This is unacceptable. If you do this on Wednesday my lawyer will be in touch. I said Andrew from Wednesday expect the flat to be out of action for six weeks as we initiate the following four step plan. *crowd laughs* I was having a great time. Step one:
remove all four walls. *crowd laughs* And that’s just step 1! *crowd laughs* Step two: Expand bathroom. *crowd laughs* Step three: Can isolate towel rail within refrigeration dome. *crowd laughs* Step four: Counteract remaining towel rail heat with tower of ice. I’ve just spoken to the real landlord so you can knock it off. *crowd laughs* I said No problem. Out of interest did he agree to sort the towel rail? *crowd laughs* Stop texting me. *crowd laughs* I said Oh go on! Did he?? *crowd laughs* Yes. *crowd laughs* Thank you everyone.

100 Comments

Naveen Nandhanan

Jul 7, 2018, 8:23 pm Reply

He is an absolute natural….Only such a person can do this?????

Linda Sussman

Jul 7, 2018, 9:34 pm Reply

All James seam to be very funny, Cordon Kimmel and Fallon!

I agree with you

Jul 7, 2018, 12:55 pm Reply

How could anybody down vote this??? I'm laughing so hard, I can't see through my tears! ?

Karolyn Herrera

Aug 8, 2018, 10:47 pm Reply

Not sure why anyone would dislike this video unless they either had no sense of humor, or they're related to this tenant, or they recently tried to scam James in one way or another 🙂

Undead Dino

Aug 8, 2018, 12:28 pm Reply

Veitch your show intrigues me.

arju scarlet

Aug 8, 2018, 6:32 pm Reply

Damn this is the best ?????

Noon’ن

Aug 8, 2018, 7:42 pm Reply

I love this guy. ???

Cassie Steiner

Aug 8, 2018, 2:17 am Reply

He is a genius

MysticEye

Aug 8, 2018, 2:03 pm Reply

Umm… probably a stupid question, but why would a towel rail over heat a bedroom? I mean… my towel rail is just a metal bar bolted to the wall…

Victor Medina

Aug 8, 2018, 7:30 am Reply

Trolling at its finest ??

nunchukgrl2

Aug 8, 2018, 1:34 am Reply

Omg. I'm crying from laughter. Almost choked on my food ??

Screative 31

Aug 8, 2018, 7:16 pm Reply

Guys Once watch aditi mittal ?????????

Screative 31

Aug 8, 2018, 7:16 pm Reply

Aditi mittal ?

A R

Aug 8, 2018, 4:01 pm Reply

That one was performed on TEDx too. Is it a copy!

Salty Narwhal

Aug 8, 2018, 6:09 pm Reply

i wonder if the guy found out it was James Veitch who was texting him after the show

Logan True

Aug 8, 2018, 9:03 pm Reply

He may be called a jerk, but I think of him more in the vein of an opportunistic jester.

Matlock Crowl

Aug 8, 2018, 6:43 am Reply

go on did he? XDXDXD

Butcher Beaver

Sep 9, 2018, 4:52 am Reply

JAMES VIETCH,
THE MAN,
THE MYTH,
THE LEGEND,
THE GREATEST COMEDIAN EVER!!!!!!!! ????

GirlKing TheOddShadowThing

Sep 9, 2018, 8:46 pm Reply

XD so funny

Luigi

Sep 9, 2018, 9:48 pm Reply

and he never got to speak the real phil

Alex Rollingstone

Sep 9, 2018, 4:48 am Reply

BRUH THAT FOUR STEP PLAN HAD ME DEAD!! ????

Jessie Cooley

Sep 9, 2018, 4:19 am Reply

This guy is the real MVP

Nikita Kazakov

Sep 9, 2018, 6:59 pm Reply

This makes me uncapable of doing geometry homework

keystr0ke

Sep 9, 2018, 8:48 pm Reply

This is great comedy, but you guys don't actually believe all this really happened do you?

THR33STEP

Sep 9, 2018, 6:09 pm Reply

He is comic genius!!

Adams Torres

Sep 9, 2018, 9:53 am Reply

THIS GUY NEEDS A STANDUP COMEDY SHOW ASAP

Cynthia Hawkins

Sep 9, 2018, 4:16 pm Reply

Having been a super for 30 years before retiring, I actually GOT annoying crap like this. It's hysterical to watch someone's me-me-me problems turned back on them. Veitch is brilliant. He combines John Cleese, with George Carlin.. and swirls in some Jonathan Swift…

Linda Dunn

Oct 10, 2018, 9:41 pm Reply

Omg this is so funny ???

Anamitranics

Oct 10, 2018, 2:20 am Reply

He did this on Conan O' Brien's show!!! lol it was funny though

Mike Evans

Oct 10, 2018, 1:03 pm Reply

LOL!!! Your awesome!!!

Deano

Oct 10, 2018, 8:51 am Reply

I laughed so much I forgot to breathe ?

destro shinigani

Oct 10, 2018, 4:00 am Reply

relatable

Strawberry_Crush

Oct 10, 2018, 3:19 pm Reply

I mean, he did try to warn him

summit higley

Oct 10, 2018, 6:50 pm Reply

PHIL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Valentina Santiago

Oct 10, 2018, 8:16 am Reply

This guy is hilarious. Can't wait to see what he comes up with next.

Aliana Wood

Oct 10, 2018, 2:24 am Reply

He needs to make a Youtube channel of nothing but him responding to spam emails and wrong number texts.

Nathanael Gong

Oct 10, 2018, 5:15 am Reply

3:38
Your welcome

Amelia Quintero

Oct 10, 2018, 12:03 am Reply

4:39 SAME ???

Alfred F. Jones

Oct 10, 2018, 10:52 pm Reply

god I hope I'm mistakenly given James Veitch's number for something XD

Danny Mondragon

Oct 10, 2018, 11:04 am Reply

Solomon your email intrigues me!!. . .

Hash Brown

Oct 10, 2018, 10:56 am Reply

When I saw this video I thought, “A james veitch video that I haven’t seen? WOOHOO!” But then I realised it was a video I have already seen uploaded by a different channel, I have never been more disappointed in my life

Arden D

Oct 10, 2018, 3:09 pm Reply

That 4-step plan is a legitimate plan.

This Is Pro-Aging

Nov 11, 2018, 3:46 pm Reply

I can’t breathe.

Phsandra :D

Nov 11, 2018, 2:26 am Reply

See people, this is why if you text someone you don’t know

You let them finish what they’re saying ??

09NewtonA

Nov 11, 2018, 3:05 pm Reply

I like this guy already.

tlali

Nov 11, 2018, 1:08 am Reply

This guy has me laughing in the beginning and urinating toward the end.

Speedpoke e

Nov 11, 2018, 3:19 am Reply

1:01 Hey mister, It's really really nice to meet ya, I just met this 5 foot guy just my type.

Kizzy J

Nov 11, 2018, 11:14 pm Reply

Yes?

Jinx of Life

Nov 11, 2018, 8:16 pm Reply

What if the guy trying to contact Phil watched this….. ??

JoA

Nov 11, 2018, 6:20 pm Reply

I can physically hear the sound of that man's spirit already broken when he texted "yes"

patrickthefox

Nov 11, 2018, 3:52 am Reply

He is a comic genius

Wade

Nov 11, 2018, 11:58 pm Reply

I love how Veitch inspired me to answer spam e-mails. It was so fun, but I believe they're somehow connected because I have never received one single spam e-mail since I started making several jokes with the scammers.

G011d3n

Dec 12, 2018, 12:11 am Reply

Ok.

KitKat.

Denise Oneil

Dec 12, 2018, 4:14 am Reply

I wish we could see more of him on TV

Rory Carter

Dec 12, 2018, 4:30 am Reply

remove all 4 walls

Testacorsa

Dec 12, 2018, 2:38 pm Reply

If you enjoy James Veitch's prankster humor, I suggest you find the floodlight or missing cat story. Search google for david Thorne floodlight.
It's Hilarious! Laughing with happy tears and cramping stomach Hilarious!

Lucy White

Dec 12, 2018, 6:42 pm Reply

the best plan is the four step plan <3

With a Critical Eye

Jan 1, 2019, 3:37 am Reply

When you look up 11 dover place you can see the inside of the house too

Steven Kazmierski

Jan 1, 2019, 2:00 am Reply

Honestly, his scenarios are gold! But after 3 years I can only find this one and the one where he torments his roommates with rubber ducks. This is the second video with this joke. I got excited when I clicked on this because I thought I found a new joke from Veitch. His shit is funny but damn, at least attempt to make new material?

J Williams

Jan 1, 2019, 6:41 am Reply

This had me rolling.

Surya Chan

Jan 1, 2019, 6:47 am Reply

I cannot understand any thing, he spoke very fast

Gra Eta

Jan 1, 2019, 8:57 am Reply

I thought he was Milo yianoupulous

Philip Byers

Jan 1, 2019, 3:06 am Reply

Funny stuff!!

The Spotted Deer

Jan 1, 2019, 4:55 am Reply

SO halarious

MCRodriguez1989

Jan 1, 2019, 6:54 am Reply

I want to know how he made the animation of the walls crumbling

Thakur Yogeshwar Singh

Jan 1, 2019, 4:45 pm Reply

He walks onto the stage, and I know it'll be a laughter riot. All the time!

Smarteverything

Jan 1, 2019, 7:16 pm Reply

Copying CONAN

Ella Rose

Jan 1, 2019, 7:35 pm Reply

How old is this legend?

Anything But

Jan 1, 2019, 11:36 pm Reply

AND THATS ONLY STEP ONE!

Car Gua

Jan 1, 2019, 4:28 am Reply

Imagine that Andrew actually sees this video

DaveDonnie

Jan 1, 2019, 6:08 pm Reply

replying_to_spam.mp4

gilbert najera

Feb 2, 2019, 6:43 am Reply

This guy is an absolute genius lol

AcidDome

Feb 2, 2019, 5:31 pm Reply

He edited this and cut it short for some reason. The full conversation is a little longer.

WaifuShork

Feb 2, 2019, 12:25 am Reply

James Veitch would be an amazing Doctor for Doctor Who lmao.

I_haz_no_comments

Feb 2, 2019, 3:11 pm Reply

Step one make us laugh

k. elizabeth

Feb 2, 2019, 2:22 am Reply

Solomon, your email intrigued me

Radovan Charles

Mar 3, 2019, 1:33 am Reply

I would've given a like but I've already seen this vid on James account already

Jane Doe

Mar 3, 2019, 8:23 pm Reply

I laughed so hard???????????? ???? p.s please please get this guy on wilty (Would I Lie To You)

Tom Livanos

Apr 4, 2019, 10:51 am Reply

You want high stress time? Be aggressive.

Christopher Cable-Cheval

Apr 4, 2019, 12:23 am Reply

Okay, i probably won't stop laughing until mid next week….maybe.

Campbell Goff

Apr 4, 2019, 9:27 pm Reply

They removed the floor plan… I wonder why

TheBoyScout01

Apr 4, 2019, 5:35 pm Reply

I wonder if the guy he was talking to has watched this

ItsYourBoy Corby

Apr 4, 2019, 12:35 am Reply

He had it coming

Lar

May 5, 2019, 6:43 pm Reply

A comic genius.

Wietepietepatat

Jun 6, 2019, 5:53 pm Reply

he is brilliant! Are there any full shows of him to watch?

mikeandersonwa

Jun 6, 2019, 5:48 pm Reply

I could watch him do powerpoint presentations all day long

Diver Dan

Jul 7, 2019, 6:14 pm Reply

The bathroom is usually the bypass for the boiler as thermo valves close in hot weather so the system needs a bypass hence no thermo on bathroom…try turning the boiler down!!

Han uci

Jul 7, 2019, 11:45 pm Reply

Love you, James

cromusic ibra

Jul 7, 2019, 12:02 am Reply

Starting a text with "actually you are" is kind of being a dick. I would've wrote back, "no, I'M NOT you imbecile. You've got the wrong number."

NO ONE

Jul 7, 2019, 5:05 pm Reply

Oh you d*ck ???

Carl Franz

Jul 7, 2019, 1:04 am Reply

OK? Why the birth control glasses?

33 73

Jul 7, 2019, 1:02 pm Reply

NO CAN DO IS THE RIGHT ANSWER ACTUALLY!!! WHAT KIND OF TOWEL RAIL DOES HE EVEN HAVE!? WAS IT FORGED IN THE BOWELS OF HELL FOR GODS SAKE!?

33 73

Jul 7, 2019, 1:06 pm Reply

Are towel rails over the pond different from what we have in the states?? Lol I’m looking at mine right now and there’s no heat coming from it and it’s just meant for towels??

Bryon Lape

Jul 7, 2019, 11:49 am Reply

I wonder if Phil has seen this.

Jake Bogus

Jul 7, 2019, 1:10 am Reply

This is great.

PA Sucks

Jul 7, 2019, 11:40 pm Reply

I love this guy, I dream of one day having a chance erronious encounter with him….. irl…. so I can tell him the answer to everything…… it's…..

Peanut butter is the answer

then run away lol

Saint Niko

Jul 7, 2019, 12:38 am Reply

NICE!!

Casey Todd

Jul 7, 2019, 2:13 am Reply

WHY doesn't James have a 90-minute stand-up special on Netflix.

I expect a full power point presentation, by the end of the day.

-An intelligent.

Ani Fosler

Aug 8, 2019, 3:24 am Reply

Absolutely love this guy !!!!!!!!

Geoffrey Lee

Aug 8, 2019, 11:49 am Reply

Andy is a git.

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