| by Kenneth Chase | 50 comments

7 Odd Bedroom Mistakes That Turn Men Off | Ft. Caitlin V


Mark:
Seven surprising mistakes that you might be making in the bedroom to turn men off. I’m
here with Caitlin V, a top sex coach from here in Chicago, host of the Oral Love Podcast.
Today, we’re talking about the mistakes that women make in the bedroom that they don’t
even know they’re making. And the reason I brought Caitlin in, Caitlin’s actually a friend
of mutual friend of ours, Jason Silver who introduced us and you were telling me you
work only with men and they come to you with these fears, these anxieties, and you get
to hear about all the little mistakes that women make and you’re like, “Oh, why is she
doing that?” We’ve got the top seven for you today, and they’re not the cliche normal ones. Mark:
The first one is the old feminine complements. Caitlin, I laughed at this one. Caitlin V:
Yeah, we hear men all the time. Men complaining to me about the words that women use to describe
them in bed. Like, “you’re cute. That’s adorable.” Men do not, men would like to be complimented
for sure, but they do not want to be complimented using the words that women like to be complimented. Mark:
It actually has the reverse effect. I remember my girlfriend used to go, “you’re really cute,
Mark.” I’d be like, “Don’t call me cute,” I’d throw her against the wall to try and
get back my masculinity. But when she’s doing it like with, without it being joking, you’re
like Caitlin V:
shouldn’t be doing it like in bed or around sex, right? Like yeah, Mark:
that’s so sensitive. The second one is about too much silence. You had a crazy story on
this. Caitlin V:
Yeah. I mean a lot of women don’t make enough noise, right? Like we have two images, women
that are screaming and like faking and too much noise. Right. And no one wants that either.
But some women are very silent, very much in their head during sex, and they don’t actually
speak or make any noise at all. Like I’ve had male clients complain about their wives
and partners being dead silent and not even have you breathing like no. Oh no grunts,
no nothing. Mark:
Whoah! like I’m failing. That’s what a guy says. I’ve clearly failed Caitlin V:
Men need feedback. Like they need to know that. What they’re doing is working and like
breathing heavy, making little grunts and noises are a great way to let him know like
that feels good and this is working. Mark:
And you can sound in little ways. Just like little things to begin with. If you, if you
haven’t done that before, if you’re trying to own that side, you start small. Caitlin V:
Yeah. And some women are really uncomfortable with like making noise and speaking, right?
And we’re not talking here about dirty talk. Like it can be as simple as heavy breathing,
making little ahhs and oohhs and yes, that’s it. Mark:
As you connect to your body, that should come naturally, right? Caitlin V:
Yeah. Yeah. Mark:
The third one is subtle, and I laughed at this as well because it’s this, it is so subtle
and the women don’t even realize they’re doing it. Subtle remarks about timing. Caitlin V:
Yeah. So I work with many who have performance anxiety, right? And one of the ways that that
challenges them is that anxiety around sex. And usually what ends up happening is that
they reach orgasm too quickly. Some of the snide remarks that I’ve heard from my clients
are like, wow, that got heated quickly or Ooh, you got excited fast. Oh, even if that’s
the case, you don’t have to say it. He’s already thinking it and all it does is damage his
confidence to approach you the next time. Or maybe there won’t even be a next time. Mark:
Oh Sorry. True. Number four is giving feedback in the wrong manner. So this kind of, there’s
two ways, and in the way I think of this is if a woman’s saying don’t do that, you’re
doing it wrong. You’re very much like the message is you’re incompetent, I’m incompetent. Caitlin V:
Yeah. Mark:
Which is like the biggest turn off and the biggest, no man wants to throw you in the bed
when he’s feeling incompetent, like just don’t go together. So how can they give? What’s
a great better way to, Caitlin V:
Hmm. I think it’s a positive reinforcement, right? “It feels good when you _____, I really
like it when you_____. ” Mark:
“I love it when you_____.” Caitlin V:
That felt really good when you did that. Right. And like giving language to exactly what it
is that you liked. And if you do have to give some feedback that’s a bit negative and it
can’t be reframed, starting with a compliment, giving that feedback and then ending with
another compliment Mark:
Along the similar lines of, of too silent is, is too inactive, is just no physical movement.
[inaudible] starfish. Caitlin V:
Oh, so yeah, Mark:
What was your client’s story? Caitlin V:
I have, I’ve had a client who, um, whose wife was very demanding about their sex life, like
really wanted him to perform, wanted him to be good, wanting him to bring her to orgasm,
basically shamed him when he couldn’t bring her to orgasm. Like forget that she’d never
even masturbated herself to orgasm, right? But she would literally not move. She just
would lay there and expect him to do all of the work. And yeah, it’s not only a confidence
killer, but a huge turn off. Mark:
It actually sucks in all seriousness. It’s we, we want someone, cause I think women go,
well, I don’t want to be, be too controlling, which is actually going to talk about that
in a moment. But the opposite is, is not, it’s not about playing dead, right. It’s,
it’s responding. I think with the sounds and with the actions to your body and entering
the experience. Caitlin V:
Feeling like a flow with him, letting him lead that, but it’s like dancing, you know?
Just because you are being led doesn’t mean that you’re just limp on the dance floor. Mark:
He’s carrying you around on the floor. There’s a fireman carrier on the floor. That’s not
very, very fun. Number six, too controlling too much of the opposite. Caitlin V:
Yeah, exactly the opposite. Like really taking that leadership right? The dancing metaphor
is perfect because if you’re both struggling to be in control, that’s like the more masculine
role and if you’re not letting him be the masculine lead… Mark:
It kills the polarity, right? It kills the attraction. Caitlin V:
And makes it very neutral, then it’s more like you’re wrestling with your friends than
you’re having sex with your lover. Mark:
Men don’t want to confuse wrestling their buddy with having sex with you. Caitlin V:
Nope. Nope. Nope. Mark:
Number seven is after play. We talked a lot about foreplay, but you don’t think about
after play so much and obviously women, you do hear well, you want more cuddles, you want
more connection in after play. Um, what mistakes, what are the subtle mistakes women make in
after play? Caitlin V:
I think assuming that men don’t also want attention and care and caressing and touch
after sex. Sex is a vulnerable action, not just for women, but also for men. You know,
if they’ve put themselves out there, they’re doing their best. They’re trying to please
and for you to not give any compliments or stroke his ego or even. Mark:
just like appreciation, Caitlin V:
like light touches, you know, whatever he likes. Mark:
Some loving in his way. Caitlin V:
Appreciation, compliments like. Mark:
Appreciation and compliments in after play, so important. Caitlin V:
Not just before, not just during, but after as well. Yeah. Caitlin V:
I love that. Yeah. I’ve never had that put that way before. That is brilliant. Hey you
can check out Caitlin V on her YouTube channel. That’s C. A. I. L. T. I. N. V. Right? Did
I get it right? Caitlin V:
C. A. I T. L. I. N Mark:
I almost got it right. We’ll put the link above here, anyway, so you won’t get it wrong.
Don’t forget to leave your comment below. I’d love to hear your thoughts. What do you
think of this topic? Do you have another thing that maybe you’ve noticed you did once you’re
like, Oh, I shouldn’t have done that, or a friend did. I love to hear it. Put it in the
space below. Share your story. Don’t be shy. We’re all friends here. Hit the thumbs up
button and the big red subscribe button as well with the little bell. Caitlin, thanks
for coming in. Caitlin V:
Thank you so much for having me today. Mark:
It has been a pleasure. I really enjoyed that. We’ll see you in the next video very soon. Bloopers
[Beep sound] Mark:
I’m here in Chicago with a sex coach case. uhhh Caitlin V, Mark: Caitlin is a sex coach
here in Toronto. You’re a sex scientist for a long time. Caitlin V:
Chicago… Caitlin V:
We’re here in North America. Caitlin V:
Yeees! [Clapping sound] Mark:
Before you turn it off. Before you turn it off. Caitlin, we have a very Australian challenge
for you. Caitlin V:
Oh God. I saw that there was not just one but two jars. You brought them with you or
you didn’t, never tried it, Mark:
so Caitlin, brought with me Vegemite very Aussie. You have to eat it slowly and then if you
really enjoy, just take them all. Caitlin V:
Wow. Okay. Oh wow. It gets real salty. The more you take, real quick. Mark
You can’t take it away. Caitlin V:
I’ll give it like one below soy sauce. Mark:
What do you give soy sauce? Caitlin V:
Four? Mark:
That’s a three. That’s our highest score so far. Caitlin V:
Oh really? Oh! Mark:
That’s fantastic! Caitlin V:
Thank you for sharing your Aussie traditions with me. Mark:
My pleasure, thanks for coming in. That was fun.

50 Comments

terukiato

Mar 3, 2020, 12:12 am Reply

First

Mark Rosenfeld

Mar 3, 2020, 12:12 am Reply

Comment below with mistakes MEN make in the bedroom! And stay safe over the next few weeks if you're stuck at home! You can join me in the community section ( https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCj43cUFiX39jaukd6UReQrQ/community ) and in the FREE Facebook group (link in description) where I'll be extra active the next few weeks!

Sexual Mastery

Mar 3, 2020, 12:13 am Reply

Love your videos and enjoy seeing the 2 of you work together!!

Gin B

Mar 3, 2020, 12:20 am Reply

I'm golden already!!! 😛
Thanks tho 👍

Claudia Claudia

Mar 3, 2020, 12:26 am Reply

What a treat😘 Thank you for sprinkling more bloopers Mark! Good to know that she’s located in Chicago where I currently live.I think there’s always room for improvement.

Ol’ Dirty Dasher

Mar 3, 2020, 12:30 am Reply

My girl is quiet (compared to my previous exes) but she warned me ahead of time. I am glad

Kelly Sandblom

Mar 3, 2020, 12:33 am Reply

I absolutely love your channel, you are so helpful! 😁❤️🥳 Thank you!

Cresilda Degamo

Mar 3, 2020, 12:34 am Reply

Hi good day sir, Mark Rosenfeld I'm watching here your Vlogs godbless you have a nice great 🤗🙏

Charmed 6266

Mar 3, 2020, 12:48 am Reply

Yes! Great video guys! 👏🏻

BLEH !

Mar 3, 2020, 12:48 am Reply

Wow! It's 6:18 AM and I'm watching this 😂what a kick start to my week!

Roxi Smith

Mar 3, 2020, 1:32 am Reply

I'm so used to having kids in the house even though they're grown now, I had to learn to make verbal response during sex and now I'm quite loud.

Roxi Smith

Mar 3, 2020, 1:34 am Reply

My ex always wanted to lapse into a coma afterwards. Stupid bastard!

Rina

Mar 3, 2020, 1:51 am Reply

Guys can do some of these as well, goes both ways haha

Also, put the Vegemite on a piece of toast, more chance of them liking it! 😂

Mariana Lopez

Mar 3, 2020, 2:08 am Reply

Can someone list them for me lol

Leela Cerullo

Mar 3, 2020, 2:22 am Reply

One mistake a guy can make is not flirting or creating sexual build-up before sex. Just because you’re attractive doesn’t mean I automatically want to have sex with you 🤦🏽‍♀️

MrKrushgutz

Mar 3, 2020, 2:30 am Reply

I wonder what her body count is…🤔

Denise Giddings

Mar 3, 2020, 2:45 am Reply

Sometimes men are too silent as well. Women also want to hear something sexy!

nvaranavage

Mar 3, 2020, 2:46 am Reply

So embarrassing to write this comment, but……..not being comfortable enough with myself to tell my husband what I really want in the bedroom (sometimes I feel like I'm lying to him when I'm really not)….a self-confidence thing that shouldn't need to be a problem, but years of being conditioned by your family (because of my ADHD) that you are "selfish" (when I wasn't) can do that kind of damage to someone's self-confidence later in their life.

Leslie Dennis

Mar 3, 2020, 2:56 am Reply

Women need to be more open about what they need, which may require some self exploration in order to know. Men also need to ask each woman what she likes – we are all different, and many men I have met don't seem to have a clue about women's bodies. Not that I have slept with all these men, but I can tell by the questions that they ask that they have no idea. I am a fairly open person, so I guess they feel comfortable asking me. But seriously, thinking you are getting useful training from porn is a huge mistake.

Spooky Spectre

Mar 3, 2020, 3:39 am Reply

Talk about mute, my man was very mute during sex (until his finish) so it made me feel like I was doing something wrong. Finally I asked him why he was so quiet, and he said "well i was listening to you making sure your having a good time." We both had a good laugh

Chlarie Peace

Mar 3, 2020, 3:47 am Reply

I have orgasm every day and i do even got a guy even wake up with orgasm 😊😊

* M

Mar 3, 2020, 4:06 am Reply

Please provide masculine compliments if you don't want feminine compliments!!! Thank you. ❤❤

C n

Mar 3, 2020, 4:15 am Reply

You both work well together. Even the bloopers were good. Nice content.
Carol Phoenix Arizona usa

Alice Glidden

Mar 3, 2020, 4:24 am Reply

Great video! Thanks for doing the less obvious mistakes.

Marriet Visser

Mar 3, 2020, 4:36 am Reply

This is a fun post 👍😀❤

SherMuNo

Mar 3, 2020, 4:56 am Reply

Emmmm… Okay… I hear you Mark… 🐰

Julie Bove

Mar 3, 2020, 5:56 am Reply

I had a man who was silent and didn't move. I had to stop what I was doing three times to ask if I should continue. Only then did he look excited and told me to continue. It was all very akward.

Sara Zaidi

Mar 3, 2020, 8:07 am Reply

Nice initiative

avgonyma1

Mar 3, 2020, 8:44 am Reply

Nope. Not doing any (mistakes of this kind) 😉

Lava Yuki

Mar 3, 2020, 9:21 am Reply

About the feminine compliments, I remember I learned that guys hate it from anime, where guys hate being called cute or kawaii. I don't know how people can be dead silent. I think many guys hate it when girls are dominating in bed, my ex used to hate dominant women

Janina Nina

Mar 3, 2020, 12:11 pm Reply

Good and interesting Video

Janina Nina

Mar 3, 2020, 12:17 pm Reply

I have a question to number 6. Some men actually like it, when you are dominant. (I like it as well that make us a little bit incompatible. ) But how do I know that I am too masculine?

Melody Outhaithavy

Mar 3, 2020, 3:12 pm Reply

My bf said he was with this girl once and they were going at it, then she started crying about personal issues and he had no idea what to do. That definitely turned him off!

alison leigh

Mar 3, 2020, 3:23 pm Reply

You always manage to NOT make your viewers uncomfortable with such topics – well done, as always✨. Mine seems to love being called cute & adorable. I really hope that he isn't just being a "good actor" & secretly upset, lol.

Donna Silver

Mar 3, 2020, 3:34 pm Reply

I'm 59 I know ofsex but never had it.Sounds complicated likeromane

Donna Silver

Mar 3, 2020, 3:36 pm Reply

Sex sounds complicated like romance I think it's easier to figure out a homicide .

Anna

Mar 3, 2020, 4:33 pm Reply

I love Mark, his videos are just spot on. Life changing 😉

dev0n james

Mar 3, 2020, 5:15 pm Reply

one turn off for me is when they don't leave afterwards.

Violetcat911

Mar 3, 2020, 11:05 pm Reply

One man I was with for many years was vocal during making love but never said my name. We almost married, and probably should have, so you can understand how close we were. I finally asked him why he never said my name but instead used "baby". He laughed and said that he used to always say the ladies name but one time he used the wrong name…….so afterwards he always just said baby, lol. But from that day on he always said my name when we made love. He was a wonderful man and I am sorry I did not marry him. I will forever miss him and wonder what if. He passed away in 2014.

Aixa Shults

Mar 3, 2020, 11:14 pm Reply

My boyfriend of 2 years and 2 months has asked for some space because he has been going through a lot of stress, at first I was not okay with it, then told him that I should’ve been supportive and apologized. And he still pushed for space so I said goodnight and left him alone. I’m asking for advice because I’m not sure where he stands, he sends a daily “streak”, the first one was of the floor, the last two days he got a haircut and looks good but still hasn’t reached out. He has all the pictures of our relationship on social media and hasn’t changed anything except communication. I’m just wondering what I’m supposed to do. Am I supposed to keep “I’m in a relationship with this guy” or what. I love him, so my goal is to do everything carefully so I don’t drive him away with my attitude. I want him to realize that it’s worth it, we just need to communicate better. He’s pretty clear on his feelings, I’m just not clear on what exactly I need to do.

Cindy Lou

Mar 3, 2020, 11:38 pm Reply

Men ALWAYS want sex 24/7. There's no turning them off..they will always say yes

skydnzr

Mar 3, 2020, 6:15 am Reply

I am blessed to, for the first time in my life, have a partner that communication and desire is so very well balanced that sex is magical! The only down side is that our lives simply do not match up…we will not likely be more than FWB but I'm not complaining at this point! He knows his way around my body like it is his own and we have communicated comfortably to have both our needs met. I do think our age (both over 60) has contributed to the comfort levels and openness..I don't miss awkward sex!

M C

Mar 3, 2020, 7:49 am Reply

Thank you for the pointers!! 😊💕…. Now where is that man?! 😁

Savannah Libardi

Mar 3, 2020, 8:15 am Reply

She’s cute and I’m straight lol

Vivian Johnson

Mar 3, 2020, 11:27 am Reply

if you don't tell a woman what you want or what kind of things you are into, how would she know? men you need to open up more..

Triss N

Mar 3, 2020, 2:44 pm Reply

Always a great initiative to make a video about sexual topics! We shouldn't be scared to talk about things. Thank you, Mark, for doing this🙂

Loye diaz

Mar 3, 2020, 2:22 am Reply

Oooooo awwwww! Big daddy

hibernia89

Mar 3, 2020, 5:45 am Reply

I haven't had sex in four years. I'm watching this video just in case I find a partner. It's nearly impossible, but maybe…

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Mar 3, 2020, 12:38 pm Reply

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Chiara Bolzon

Mar 3, 2020, 3:05 am Reply

Normally, a woman doesn't need to be a man to know that it socks. But not all women are normal 😛😛😅

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